It took a long time in my recovery before I learned to turn the guilty conscience into something more positive – to see it as a learning experience for my children.
But through conversations with my neuropsychologist, I gradually realized that I was teaching my children that it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to cry if you’re not feeling well. It’s okay to withdraw. That I definitely don’t master everything. They also learned that calmness and nature were important to me. A green hedge and birdsong had an impact. I told them that when you hit your head, your body thinks you’re constantly in danger. And if I had bad days, it could be because of that. That my brain thought I was in danger. And if someone hugged me – maybe it could help. Because when you get a warm hug, you can’t be in danger, right? They understood that well.
I will never forget the day when I “collapsed” on the floor in front of my son. Tears were streaming down my cheeks non-stop. I was shaking. My son took my hand and said we should go out into the garden. He sat down with me, in the middle of the lawn, hugged me, and said, “Look at the hedge, mom, it will make you feel better.” That day, I realized that there are also valuable lessons to be learned when accidents happen. For all of us.
